People have been asking me quite a bit lately if my contract with ADEC feels real. Or when it'll start to kick in that I'm really leaving the country, my family and friends to live abroad for two years.
This past Saturday was my going-away party with my Phoenix family. And throughout the night, I kept getting bursts of emotion, as I glanced at the faces around the dinner table. This was definitely a momentous event that made my departure seem very real, and my imminent journey seem closer and rapidly approaching.
For those who know me well, you know that I tend to be a ball of mush when it comes to sentimental things. Hypothesizing that I might get watery eyes when arriving at AZ88 for dinner, I tried to counteract the predictable water-works by drinking some white wine as I was getting ready at home. Worthless. As Jill and I hopped off our two second golf cart cab ride from The Saguaro Hotel and walked through the glass doors at AZ88, I started feeling water in the corners of my eyes and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach.
"Chill out," I told myself. But as soon as I saw my friends - people from all aspects and times of my life in Scottsdale, Gilbert, Tempe and Phoenix the past five years - swapping stories and sipping cocktails, I became overcome with gratitude and wonder. (I also got very warm -- close quarters, damn summer desert heat.) I was immediately handed a dirty Grey Goose martini with blue (bleu, for those of you who are fancy) cheese-stuffed olives and scooted from group to group, getting swept up in hug after hug after hug. It is a memory that I will not soon forget. Feeling loved like I did that night is a feeling to hold on to forever.
Guests kept arriving and we finally were escorted to our corner tables. I remember thinking to myself to remember to take everything all in. I do not love being the center of attention: it makes me feel rather uncomfortable when all eyes are on me. So it is not often that I find myself here. My friends and work colleagues were vibing flawlessly with my family and family friends, conversations flowing from table to table. Looking around at everyone who came out for this night, some of whom did not know anyone else in the group, touched me profoundly. Who was I to deserve all this? You have heard of The Butterfly Effect? How one word, one action, one relationship can forever impact forever? That's what was rolling around my head as our delicious food was brought out and drinks were refilled.
Then. My dad said I should open my gifts. "Ooooooooh. Really? In front of everyone? Now? But everybody's looking at me expectantly." "Suck it up."
The first gift was from Mandy. For those who know her, know how close we are. For those who don't, she's the other third grade teacher, has been my room neighbor at B-L for the past three years and quickly became one of my dearest friends.
So, of course, her card made me tear up. "As I write this, I'm feeling the emotions of mourning and excitement. Mourning because I am 'losing' the best friend I've ever had. You have taught me how to love, laugh and live. Thank you for teaching me to be a better person."
And, mind you, everyone is staring, so I am trying to hold it together, but I sort of can't. So I think, "What the hell," and my emotions got the best of me.
My parents' words filled my blurry vision next: "We love your adventurous spirit and pray your two-year stint in Abu Dhabi is filled with rick adventures, travel, great teachers, wonderful children and new friends. We love you and will miss you tons."
Cried some more. Gawd.
Finally, my aunt's card: "I am so excited for you and your new adventure. I love that you are chasing your dreams. So many talk about it but few take the leap. I hope you find bliss and gather great stories along the way! Eat, pray, love always! Attraversiamo."
Add a few more crocodile tears to my now extra-salty dirty martini. Lol.
By this time, I feel like I've been pumped and stuffed full of so much love, I barely have room for dinner and the rest of my martini. But I find the room ;)
The rest of the evening passes in a blur, as much as I tried to slow it down. I got to spend quiet moments with everyone who came out and by the end of the night, the tears were gone and replaced with a serene smile.
As my sister's four-page letter to me said, "Anytime you feel homesick or doubt your decision in any way, you can read this and know you are exactly where you need to be. I'm sure there will be days when you will wonder if you've made the right decision to go. Remember, that is normal. The fact that you miss people at home shows you how loved you are, because we will be missing you even more! Don't let that nostalgic feeling get the better of you, because near the end of your time, you'll be thinking, 'I barely blinked and already it's time to go.' This adventure reminds me of a quote that I have liked for a long time, but never really lived up to the way you are. It's something Ben Franklin said and it goes like this , "Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."
Here's to not squandering the good stuff.
To all of you who came out and are reading this: thank you, I love you and I look forward to creating more moments like these over the course of our relationships!
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